I call it plain heartless of Lifesitenews to criticize my friend Fr Thomas Rosica for having spent the best years of his life devotedly plagiarizing. However, he has now explained the situation: his Interns were all to blame. He has made this so clear that he can, I think, expect a full apology from Lifesitenews. If they fail to do this, well, the Law provides ways of mitigating against calumny.
My sympathy arises from my own need to confess that I am every bit as guilty as Tom is. And my explanation is exactly the same as his: it's all these bl**dy Interns who are to blame. Have you never wondered why so much of what I write is inaccurate, poorly expressed, and offensive? There is the reason: Interns. Everything you have ever read here, that you didn't like, was not actually from my pen: the Interns did it. (I only wrote the things you approved of.)
You can have no idea how much these wretched Interns disrupt domestic life. Is it fair to expect my Cook to serve up Michelin *** meals day by day when there are thirteen Interns unhygenically plagiarizing on the kitchen floor 25/7? You know what a mess plagiarism leaves. Who do think has to clear it all up?
How can the Head Gardner get on with his mulching (whatever that means) when there are always at least seven and possibly as many as eleven Interns endlessly rutting around the rasberry bushes?
Please do have a thought for Tom and I at this difficult time.
Drafted by Millicent, Mildred, and Montagu.
Additional material by Giorgio, Gironimo, and Geraldine.
Despatched by Samantha and Sven.