29 January 2023


 Lawks a-mussy! In May, so it is being ordered by the current Head of the House of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha-Battenberg, his Coronation will be 'celebrated' by People going round Doing Good, not least to the elderly.

I am elderly. I dislike People. I can't stand Good.

What on earth is one to do? Buy a dog? But I don't like dogs either. Go on retreat to somewhere with a decent cellar? Put up a notice reading DO-GOODERS WILL BE SHOT ON SIGHT? 


I turn to readers in my hour of need for some ingenious advice.


Unknown said...

Perhaps, "Abandon hope all ye who enter here."

Arthur Gallagher said...

If you are referring to H.M., I think that Battenburg would not be correct,

Prince Philip was never either a Battenberg, or even a Mountbatten.

Philip's correct last name was (by memory here) Schleswig-Holstein Sonderburg-Glucksberg Glucksburg-Sonderhausen und Hesse und By Rhine. That might be just a bit off, but it's about right.

What happened was that the name sounded too German, and the other choices had other problems.

So, voila- Mountbatten! This was his uncle Dick's last name, which was itself a political concoction.

vetusta ecclesia said...

Some friends who wished to dissuade people using the public footpath through their garden put up a sign reading:” Beware the agapanthus”!

frjustin said...

Enjoy visiting the elderly? So did the Gestapo.

E sapelion said...

Cet animal est très méchant. Si on l'attaque il se défend

Mick Jagger Gathers No Mosque said...

Erect a sign that reads

If you've wondered what it would be like to be a piñata knock on my door.

Prayerful said...

These Atlantic isles or archipelago of Britain and Ireland have a very unclear, constrained and qualified right to self defence of hearth and home. Lurid signs which imply questioning of the present legislation and judicial attitude, and also suggesting strong home defence might lead to you becoming a dreaded, notorious priest, which would accomplish your aim. Perhaps come May you might have to fight off do-gooders wanting to help you and yours to cross the road, walk your pet cat or dog or badger or fox, but still in these times where everyone is encouraged distrust neighbour or traveller, Chas III suggesting a worthy enough initiative that'll improve social capital a bit.

John Patrick said...

"Doing Good" makes me think of the Boy Scout helping the little old lady across the street - even though she didn't want to go.

Here in the USA, a "Trump 2024" sign in the front yard would probably suffice,. given that most Do-Gooders here are lefties.

Andrew T said...

When George V changed the name of the House to Windsor his cousin the Kaiser is said to have remarked that he looked forward to attending a performance of The Merry Wives of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha.

Sed dubito. Too witty for that very German German!