9 May 2021

Update for Americans

Momentous events, over here. We've not had a "General Election", but we have had a whole gamut of different sorts of local elections.

Given the terms used to describe our de facto Ruler, "Boris" Johnson ... I recently noticed "Squalid imposter" in The Times ... you may be surprised to learn that he and his party have done remarkably well. But Traditionalists everywhere will appreciate the almost Medieval means by which this political success was encompassed.

On Polling Day, last Thursday, Voters had their eyes and ears dazzled by the archaic spectacle of active hostilities against our nearest neighbours; a very substantial proportion of our Navy was sent to confront the French! (These events had been prepared for by Media stuff about Napoleone Buonaparte, the bicentenary of whose death has recently been noticed.) Not unnaturally, as in most times of national crisis, hoi polloi dutifully voted for the strong martial Leader. Media pictures followed of the dear and triumphant Leader together with his current maitresse en titre (readers may remember  Nell Gwynn's spirited reproof when a mob mistook her for one of King Charles's French 'fiancees').

So now the Leader has decided to reward his craven electorate. He has issued a list of places which his subjects are henceforth allowed to visit on holiday. Most notably, most happily, the list includes the ever-popular Malvinas islands!

How every Briton longs to escape our dour and cold Northern fastnesses and to experience the very much more Southern culture of the Islas Malvinas! Hot oil and garlic and spilled wine; luminous pinnacles above a dusky wall; fireworks at night, fountains at noonday; the impudent, inoffensive hawkers of lottery tickets moving from table to table on the crowded pavements; the shepherd's pipe on the scented hillside; baroque monasteries overlooking ancient vineyards and groves of gnarled olives; gangs of paparazzi pursuing scantilly-clad supermodels; the yachts in the harbour of the International Smart Set; Clooneys and Sussexes wall-to-wall ... and, of course, the truly spectacular weather they have there in July. But it may confidently be predicted that, miraculously, the best places on the beaches will not all have been hogged by German sun-bathers.

This summer, the South-bound liners will be packed!

9 comments:

Tom said...

If these "Islas Malvinas" are the same islands as the 'Falkland Islands' I expect British visitors to be greatly disappointed. Weather wise they might as well visit the Orkney or Shetland Isles.

Paul in Melbourne, Australia said...

Indeed, Father. The Sussexes could also lay a wreath to the fallen. I have heard on good authority that the inhabitants are fluent in English. The islands have a delightful subtropical climate in July thanks to warm gentle breezes from the south.

Amateur Brain Surgeon said...

Dear Father.... inoffensive hawkers of lottery tickets.. If you ever win a lottery do you think it would be fun to buy a Rugby Team, change their uniforms so the jerseys would look like the clothing of old women, and then name the team Eleanor Rubgy?

One imagines sales of the new uniform would sky rocket and bring in hordes of cash.

Once I Was A Clever Boy said...

An excellent and apposite piece Father.

IanW said...

I would hate our cousins to believe two lightly armed patrol boats on constabulary duty represent "a very substantial proportion of our Navy", but I always enjoy Fr's mischievous hyperbole.

Mary Kay said...

Ooooooh! I do hope Mr. Biden allows us Yanks to travel to such a glorious locale! I'm planning my wardrobe while dreaming about the trip. And thanks for a great read. I've missed the 'news' this week. (I don't know if you've considered this, Father: you could always supplement your day work with travel writing.)

Mrs. Jones, formerly of Portland.

Unknown said...

Falkland island here I come!!! LOL :)

Zephyrinus said...

Dear IanW (see, above).

Reference your Comment that: “. . . I would hate our cousins to believe two lightly armed patrol boats on constabulary duty represent "a very substantial proportion of our Navy", but I always enjoy Fr's mischievous hyperbole.”, may I, respectfully, point out that The Royal Navy currently owns only nineteen Surface Vessels. (Don't tell the Chinese or the Russians).

Therefore, with two Vessels closely watching The French, around The Channel Islands, that only leaves seventeen Surface Vessels to cover the Rest of The World.

That means that 10.5% of The Royal Navy's Surface Vessels were used. Certainly, a “fair proportion” of our Naval Assets, I suggest.

More Ships, please, Boris.

IanW said...

Dear Zephyrinus,

Your figures seem somewhat out. The surface fleet consists of 2 aircraft carriers, 6 destroyers, 13 frigates, 8 offshore patrol vessels, 13 minehunters and 2 amphibious warfare vessels. That's a total of 44, not counting fast patrol craft and survey vessels. And why cavalierly exclude the 11 nuclear powered submarines, which are the capital warships of our day and bring the total to 55? That puts the 2 OPVs in question at 4% of the armed fleet.

Whether it's the authenticity of the neo-Hippolytan eucharistic prayer or fleet numbers, I do feel we ought to get the facts straight.