A British politician has just declared herself "Pansexual". Gracious me!
My mind immediately, of course, went to a popular piece of garden furniture in Roman Italy (one copy is in Lord Egremont's gallery at Petworth), of Pan teaching Daphnis to play the Pipes ... and doing so not without a sexual interest. I think the Victorians may have called this sort of thing 'Greek Love'. I believe one head master of Harrow School had to resign because he got a weeny bit 'Greek' with the lads (paniskoi?), but I don't remember whether, for his props, he used the Pipes, or just Abbot and Mansfield.
But stay: perhaps we should instead consider a sculpture group in the Naples Museum, showing Pan (himself, of course, quite capriform) initiating sexual congress wth a goat. I cannot quite recall the gender of the goat. Do such details matter? I feel that in this febrile modern age I have quite lost my bearings.
Sex and politics! The Beeb is yet again serialising a dramatisation of the Profumo Scandal. But I don't think Pan ... or goats ... came into that. Last year Auntie did the Thorpe Scandal (but the late and much respected Ringo was a dog, not a goat). Well, she would, wouldn't she?
I can't wait to hear what she has on the stocks for next year. Perhaps a very 'explicit' and 'adult' dramatisation of a loving, faithful, rightly-ordered relationship between a male human husband and his female human wife?
Just think how that would scandalise the Grauniad! Imagine them clanking their zimmer frames together like rutting stags in helpless senile fury! Poor poppets!