13 April 2019

Leptis Magna

You should never believe a word you hear from ex-Anglican clergy, or members of Ordinariates. They always get things wrong, or they only tell you half a story.

Take Dr Kirk's piece for April 1, rather naughtily breaking the embargoed news that I have been nominated to the titular See of Leptis Magna in partibus infidelium.

It's not that this is totally untrue. But it doesn't give the right reason. The suggestion is that this preferment is a reward for my much-appreciated personal services to the Roman Pontiff.


'Leptis Magna' is a real job. What it will involve is me being Coadjutor with Right of Succession to the See of Westminster.

Believe me, I did try to get out of it (Pam doesn't like living in big cities) by frankly explaining to the Nuncio my life-long plan which I have mentioned on this blog before: to hand over the red-brick building with the large minaret near Victoria Station, hitherto known as "Westminster Cathedral", to the Moslem Council of Great Britain, so that it can become their Grand London Mosque.

I thought that making this confession would lead to the immediate withdrawal of the offer. But the opposite happened. My bluff was called. Apparently PF, although not a regular reader of this blog, has noticed my plans for "Westminster Cathedral". And he is absolutely over the moon about them (he even talked about coming to Oxford to kiss my feet). That is why he decided to over-rule the Congregation for Bishops and to put me into Westminster, contrariis non obstantibus.

So ... Thank You, Holy Father! I will endeavour etc.etc..

I shall, of course, move my cathedra to the Brompton Oratory.

Tally Ho!!

(I may have to be a bit of a New Broom at Brompton. I think it is high time the Novus Ordo was given the boost of being made a niche interest. So it will be confined to the S Joseph Chapel at 4.30  on the afternoons of the fourth Sundays in alternate months, exactly the sort of generous provision that has enabled the EF and the Ordinariate Rite to flourish in so many places.)


Joshua said...

To which, erm, convent will Pam retire, by the eve of your impending consecration?

Speaking of which, I am daily expecting my invitation. I hope for a particularly good seat...

Many years ago, having come to attend the joint episcopal ordination of then-bishops (now Archbishops, respectively, of Hobart and Sydney) Julian Porteous and Anthony Fisher OP, a then-colleague of mine and I entered into St Mary's Cathedral, Sydney, in the company of an elderly somewhat eccentric Dominican, attired in a style of Eastern clerical dress (he had changed over to the Byzantine Rite after the Novus Ordo came in); owing to an understandable confusion, the ushers assumed he was an oriental potentate not in communion with the Holy See, and we his minders and flunkeys - so apologies were made, some rather incongruous plastic chairs produced, and the three of us - Father, my friend Paul, and I - were given the best seats in the house, directly in front of the pulpitum magnum, and in front of all the actual ecumenical representatives (to whom Father politely chatted in various languages).

At a lull in the proceedings, Father leaned over and whispered, "Pity Vaughan died so young" - I had to seek counsel from my elders later, who explained this to signify the sadly short episcopate of Roger Vaughan, O.S.B., last English Benedictine Archbishop of Sydney, who died aged 49, after only six years in charge. His untimely demise led to the death of the dream of English Benedictinism - rather than Irish authoritarianism - as the bedrock of the Catholic Church in Australia.

GOR said...

“Lingua firmiter in maxillam”, nonne?

Ignatius, Cornwall said...

Your Future Grace,

the Oratory, I fear, although a delightful neo-Classical pastiche, may not be the most happy choice, or religiously and politically the most auspicious, as your new Catholic Cathedral of the London, previously Westminster, Archdiocese.

I feel that, due to the imminent demise of the so-called Church of England following the conversion of its Head, King Charles III, to Islam, would it not be far more propitiously acceptable to accept the recent proposal by the Chapter of St Paul’s for it to become London’s new Catholic Cathedral-Basilica rather than it becoming the Grand Mosque of the quite possibly soon-to-be-established British Islamic State.

As you opine, the present Westminster Cathedral, with but minimally cosmetic changes, (chucking-out the statues and pictures, etc., rather in the "spirit" of Vatican Two), is far more suited to become the Grand London Mosque.

I remain yours sincerely, etc., etc., etc.

Irenaeus said...

Haha, you got me there, Father. Have a Blessed Holy Week to come.

E sapelion said...

Many congratulations. Should your career path follow that of your illustrious predecessor George Errington, Archbishop of Trebizond, I hope your shouting match with the Roman Pontiff is not too exhausting. I would welcome your subsequent arrival in the Isle of Man. And would like to reassure with the Archbishop of Liverpool's comment, when asking my present parish priest to come here - "We no longer call it Alcatraz"

John Patrick said...

One good thing when Britain and continental Western Europe inevitably go Islamic is we won't have to hear about Brexit anymore, as they will all be part of one big happy Caliphate, probably headquartered at the former St. Peter's Basilica in Rome, with the Holy Father hiding out in some obscure village in Poland, the latter presumably able to keep its Catholic faith for the time being.