Update for Americans

Momentous events, over here. We've not had a "General Election", but we have had a whole gamut of different sorts of local elections.

Given the terms used to describe our de facto Ruler, "Boris" Johnson ... I recently noticed "Squalid imposter" in The Times ... you may be surprised to learn that he and his party have done remarkably well. But Traditionalists everywhere will appreciate the almost Medieval means by which this political success was encompassed.

On Polling Day, last Thursday, Voters had their eyes and ears dazzled by the archaic spectacle of active hostilities against our nearest neighbours; a very substantial proportion of our Navy was sent to confront the French! (These events had been prepared for by Media stuff about Napoleone Buonaparte, the bicentenary of whose death has recently been noticed.) Not unnaturally, as in most times of national crisis, hoi polloi dutifully voted for the strong martial Leader. Media pictures followed of the dear and triumphant Leader together with his current maitresse en titre (readers may remember  Nell Gwynn's spirited reproof when a mob mistook her for one of King Charles's French 'fiancees').

So now the Leader has decided to reward his craven electorate. He has issued a list of places which his subjects are henceforth allowed to visit on holiday. Most notably, most happily, the list includes the ever-popular Malvinas islands!

How every Briton longs to escape our dour and cold Northern fastnesses and to experience the very much more Southern culture of the Islas Malvinas! Hot oil and garlic and spilled wine; luminous pinnacles above a dusky wall; fireworks at night, fountains at noonday; the impudent, inoffensive hawkers of lottery tickets moving from table to table on the crowded pavements; the shepherd's pipe on the scented hillside; baroque monasteries overlooking ancient vineyards and groves of gnarled olives; gangs of paparazzi pursuing scantilly-clad supermodels; the yachts in the harbour of the International Smart Set; Clooneys and Sussexes wall-to-wall ... and, of course, the truly spectacular weather they have there in July. But it may confidently be predicted that, miraculously, the best places on the beaches will not all have been hogged by German sun-bathers.

This summer, the South-bound liners will be packed!