7 August 2016

Ad Orientam

Some time ago, Fr Zed published a letter by some unfriendly American bishop doing a bully-boy job on his unfortunate clergy in the hope of making them afraid to celebrate versus Orientam (sic).

When I am made head of the Apostolic Penitentiary (I await the letter daily) my first official action will be to make a new addition to the list of Corporal Acts of Mercy: videlicet
Giving a copy of Kennedy's Latin Primer to an unlatinate Latin Rite bishop.

I will attach to this a Plenary Indulgence suetis condicionibus.

So you want to know my second action? I thought you would ... A Plenary Indulgence cuilibet sacerdoti Ritus Romani qui sacrosanctum Missae sacrificium obtulerit versus Orientem vel ad apsidem, dummodo Ordinarius loci id fieri vetuerit vel saltem minaciter contraria suaserit.

videtis omnes non uno tantum modo pelle posse spoliari felem! ut quondam avia mea essexiensis rustica qua utebatur lingua dicere solebat; ... ... quid? ridetis? nesciebatis me virum esse essexiensem?! rem confiteor ... sed hoc prorsus nego, coniugem meam eiusdem esse comitatus. colonia claudia victricensis me genuit, sed nihil unquam mihi fuit vel est vel erit cum mulierculis illius regionis. 

num in america septentrionali essexia quaedam inveniri potest? nonne vir clarissimus donaldus trump ex antiqua familia saxonum orientalium ortus habendus est?

Has anybody heard a rumour about clergy whose diocesan bishops are unsympathetic to liturgical renewal feverishly learning Latin so that they will be able to converse freely in the presence of their bishops without the pontiff understanding?

14 comments:

Gregory Pearson OP said...

Optime dictum, pater reverende!

Joshua said...

When you become Apostolic Penitentiary (surely His future Holiness Pius XIII will repay your preparatory promotion of his forthcoming election by uniting that office to that of Latin Letters?), do please restore the use of the Penitential Wand, the mere touch of which conferred an indulgence upon the devout.

But, what of doctissima carissimaque presbytera? Surely, yes, you surely will, I am certain, out of husbandly devotion, refuse the episcopal ordination that usually accompanies that particular Vatican post!

Sue Sims said...

Donaldus Tuba?

Ben of the Bayou said...

Is there any resource of which your non-British readers might avail themselves to understand the shades of meaning of the very insular connotations of being an Essex man?

Regards,
Ben

Fr John Hunwicke said...

Well, Corgi Books did print "The Essex Girl joke Book" in 1991.

Thomas said...


@Ben of the Bayou: You could try here for a fairly comprehensive explanation:

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/essex-man-the-bonds-of-basildon-2098663.html

As for skinning cats, I hesitated to Google that one!

Zephyrinus said...

Thank You, dear Fr.

You couldn't make it up, could you !!!

Rose Marie said...

As an American equivalent, Essex Man seems to be the offspring of Valley Girl and Joe Sixpack.

Jonathan Dandridge said...

As a US citizen born in Southend and schooled at a Catholic school on Canvey Island, I would say the closest thing to Essex in this country is Northern New Jersey, although the closing of the oil refineries along the Thames Estuary has weakened the comparison somewhat.

Ben of the Bayou said...

Thank you, ma'am, for your very apposite observation.

Thanks also to Thomas.

John Nolan said...

Quid est ratis plena mulierculis essexiensis super flumen Tamisem? Insula Canum.

GOR said...

Whilst being long gone from the British Isles before Essex Man became a “thing” (some would say I was ‘long gone’ even while still there. I couldn’t possibly comment…), I would venture that an equivalence on this side of the pond might be a “Reagan Democrat” if that is not oxymoronic – or just moronic…

Colin Spinks said...

"A thing" only became a thing quite recently, so you are very with it!

Hans Georg Lundahl said...

flay a cat = a cat being flayed = felem pelle spoliari ...

Maximas ago gratias propter lectionem latinitatis!