7 July 2015

Varus me meus (2)

Placing people within social structures can be so very difficult. Catullus belonged to the 'establishment' classes; somebody had got him onto the cohors of a proconsular governor. But, at least in his poetic persona, he scarcely has a quadrans to bless himself  with. Yet in the world that he describes, it is plausible that he should have a lectica in which he could be carried through the streets of Rome, carried loftily above the polloi ... and also apparently plausible that even a pushy little demi-mondaine might be able at least to borrow somebody else's litter (and eight Men) in which to be carried to one of the fashionable Hellenised-Egyptian cult centres. Litters, apparently, were ...

Di immortales! It has suddenly occurred to me! I bet you haven't thought of this! S Peter, when he was in Rome and starting to become a little frail, must pretty certainly have had pressed upon him for his use, by an enthusiastic member of the congregation, a litter, a lectica. I'd call that a moral total certainty ...

When I am elected Pope, I shall restore this beautiful Apostolic and Evangelical custom. I shall be carried around upon a litter, which I shall call the Sedia Petrina. It will be so much more Ecological and Green than those beastly fuel-guzzling Popemobiles used by earlier resource-prodigal Pontiffs. Entirely Fossil Fuel Free, it will be lifted by eight noblemen from remotest Northern Turkey who will be called the Nobili della periferia, in deference to a homiletic commonplace of Decessor noster  Franciscus. (Their nobiliary status will be guaranteed by the Seize quartiers principle.) To encourage the humble ostrich farmers of Sub-Saharan Africa, I shall be fanned as I progress with ostrich feather flabella. In order to promote actuosa participatio, the people will kneel and cross themselves as I pass scattering blessings, and, as an Ecumenical Gesture towards Greek Orthodoxy, they will shout Eis polla ete Despota! In deference to Health and Safety (mine), babies will not be thrust up for me to kiss. Security will be in the hands of huge Australians, who will have been trained to recognise and, without any question or second thought, to destroy Jihadists, Sede-vacantists, and Liturgists, even if they're not very good at winning Test Matches. They will be known popularly as the Matildas. The very sound of their simple but uplifting vernacular song will be enough to strike terror into the hearts of any surviving German Liberal Theologians whose names begin with K. Instead of handling News Conferences, Fathers Lombardi and Rosica will be usefully redeployed to conducting a daily auto da Fe. Furthermore, I shall inexorably ... Oh dear, am I getting carried away?

Aurea Saecula! Redeat magnus ille Genius Britanniae!!


2 comments:

Josephus Muris Saliensis said...

Really dear Father. It was one thing to begin an innocent series of articles on such an historical curio (in the eye of the world) as the English Missal, and end with a watertight justification for the Extraordinary Form being the true heritage of the Anglican patrimony (furthermore never abrogated in the provinces of this realm), but to begin the day by amusing us with a charming street rendition of Catullus, and turning it, without anyone seeing the cards move, into a justification for the Sedia Gestatoria, is too much.

The Summer sun...

Sue Sims said...

Love it!